The #1 Conversation Killer (and How to Beat It)

By John Doerr

Many sales people make the mistake of just plain talking too much.

Willy: I don't know why - I can't stop myself - I talk too much. A man oughta come in with a few words. Charlie's a man of few words, and they respect him.

Linda: You don't talk too much, you're just lively.

Arthur Miller - Death of a Salesman

We all have sympathy for poor Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman. He knew he talked too much, but he couldn't figure out why. And he couldn't stop talking too much even though he wanted to be like Charlie, a man of few words, who was respected by all.

When business developers talk too much, they generate too few clients.

What You Miss When You’re the One Doing all the Talking

You may be thinking, "So what if I talk too much. I am, after all, a very good salesperson and I know my stuff. Isn't it important for my prospects and clients to know what I know so they can understand what I can do for them?" While that is an important part of the sales process, you also miss a great deal of information when you are the one doing all of the talking.

1. Opportunity to build trust and rapport:

   Buyers don't just buy your solution, they buy a trusted advisor relationship. If you are doing all the talking, you will not pick up on the signals that indicate what in a relationship, besides your expertise, is important to your client. You miss the connection, the rapport that you can build.

   Plus, everyone loves to talk about themselves, to tell their story. If you do not give prospects a chance to do so, they often feel ignored, overwhelmed, and most importantly, unheard. This is not a very good way to start relationships.

2. Uncovering needs:

   When you enter initial business development conversations, you usually have strong knowledge of what you can do for clients, but only have a vague notion of what the client truly needs. If you are doing all the talking, you can only guess which components of your solution set will offer the greatest value for that particular prospect.

   You miss the chance to craft something special for them. And if you don't know all the needs, you miss out on building the largest possible solutions (and thus generating the most revenue possible.)

3. The chance to demonstrate what it is like to work with you:

   What better way to engage potential clients than to have them experience what it is truly like to work with you as their trusted advisor. When you listen, show interest in a client's issues, and ask insightful questions, you provide the prospect with a glimpse into the real you.

Why Do You Talk Too Much?

Most salespeople fall into the 'too much talk trap' for one or more of the following reasons:

I need to show my expertise.

Of course; you do. How else will the prospect know if you are any good? However, clients at first want to know whether you are a good fit for working with them as much as evaluating your level of technical competence.

I like to hear myself speak.

Your prospect may even like the sound of your voice for a while, but after a few minutes, he or she may be looking for the door. If you look around the room after a while and the prospects' eyes are glazing over, your melodious voice has lost its luster.

I get nervous, so I talk.

If this is the case, explore why you are nervous. Are you not comfortable with business development conversations? Are you uncomfortable talking to senior level managers? Do you not know your products and services very well and the value they provide?

I have no plan or objective.

There is a saying in sales, "if you don't have a plan, stay in the car." When you enter into a business development conversation and you are not sure where you want to go or what you want to accomplish, the conversation meanders everywhere and ends with neither clarity of purpose nor helpful action steps.

I easily get distracted.

Much related to the previous point, if you don't have a plan, you can't be sure what you are trying to communicate. Thus, any new topic that gets introduced in the business development conversation can lead down time-consuming and fruitless paths.

I don't talk too much, I am lively.

Yes, indeed, you may have a dynamic, effervescent personality that springs forth in every conversation. Don't hide your personality; just learn to share it in easy to swallow doses. Your prospects will appreciate your liveliness even more.

These are just some of the reasons we tend to talk too much in sales conversations. Maybe you don't like silence, you feel the need to cover perceived objections, or you simply have too much too say.

The key is to understand why you, specifically, talk too much. That way you can develop a personal plan to cut down on the soliloquies.

How to Beat the 'Talk Too Much' Trap

Assuming you would like to break the habit of talking too much, what next?

• Approach business development conversations like client conversations:

  Before you engage a business development conversation, think to yourself, "If this were a client meeting, and I needed to get a full picture of the client's world before going forth and building a solution for them, how would I approach it?"

  Approaching the conversation this way, versus thinking, "I am now selling to a new client," will help the conversation move along more naturally, keep you from talking too much, and help you avoid sounding too 'salesly'.

• Balance advocacy and inquiry:

  While you don't want to talk too much, you don't want to give the prospective client the third degree with question after question. A good business development conversation should have the client talking more than you, but clients are also looking for your insight. Just make sure you wisely and appropriately choose how much wisdom you impart, and how much air-time you take to impart it.

• Ask open-ended questions:

  The goal is to get the client to start talking. So when you ask questions, avoid asking closed-ended questions like "do you do this or that." Instead ask questions like, "tell me about what you do in this area" or "what expectations do you have when working with us" or "how do you go about..." or "tell me about the most difficult aspect for you when you..."

  You'll be surprised at how much you will find out, and how much it will help you generate more clients.

• Become overtly conscious of your air time:

  If you've gone on for more than two minutes (yes, 120 seconds) without a very good reason, simply cut it off. Sometimes we head down a path, and we think to ourselves when we start talking, "OK, I started discussing this and it will take me 10 minutes to explain...how did I get here again?!" Avoid letting this happen, but if you start down the path, get off as quickly as possible.

• Practice your conversations:

  We heard recently from a participant in one of our sales training programs, "I hate role playing, but it was helpful and useful." Nothing is better for getting good at something than practicing. Find a way to practice, and you'll find yourself talking and listening the right amount.

• Seek coaching:

  Many of us can point to a time when a more senior business developer, after seeing us lead a sales conversation, gave us a piece of advice that made a significant difference in our conversation approach and success. Seek out this kind of coaching. Either from someone at your firm or an external business development coach, the right feedback can help you win more clients and sell more, sometimes immediately.

• Be genuine in your approach:

  Selling complex solutions is not about learning old-style 'selling' techniques, but about developing relationships with clients that lead to fruitful business interactions. Whatever style you use in your business development talking approach, make sure it fits you like an old shoe. The best conversations you will ever have are those you have when you are really being you.

We all know the more we listen to our clients, the more we can help them. So listen to your clients even before they are your clients. Ask open ended-questions. And be wary of talking too much. Listening more than you talk will help you win more clients.

If all else fails, just remember "Charlie's a man of few words, and they respect him."